I haven't posted in a while, so I just thought I would post a little something today. I have so much to say right now...and I was going to hold off, but I just have to get it off my chest, so be prepared for a rant. Don't worry though, there will be pretty pictures of something I made after the rant!
It has to do with direction and/or focus.
Here goes; buckle in and come for a ride!
Oh, and if you read this whole thing...I love you. Truly. This right here is my heart, just opening all the way up.
If you have looked at my blog/follow it, then you may have noticed that I mention things about school on occasion. Mostly that I don't like it. Not even a little bit. Sometimes I sit in my car and have no intentions of driving to class, but I always break down and do it anyway like a good little girl. I am one of those people that believe college isn't for everyone. Yet I had always believed college was for me. Not that I have huge career aspirations (actually I would love to be either a big time designer or dramatic/over the top actress) but I feel an insane amount of pressure to succeed. To make something out of myself.
Let me give you a bit of background. I come from a large family. I have 7 siblings to be exact. I am number 6 and none of my five older siblings has graduated from college (graduated being the operative word here). My mother got married at 18 and did not attend college. She was always telling me how she wished she had gone. It is not direct pressure, but I just feel this need to get a degree. Not just a degree though, a useful degree, a degree with which I can make an impact on the world. So that is why, when I started college I went into the pre-pharmacy program. Turns out though you need to be good at science...and math. Two things I am not so great at. Sure if I studied for 2-4 hours a day I would be okay, but I have to be honest with myself, that is NEVER going to happen.
There is also another element to this, a catch-22 if you will. Let's say I go to school and get a "useful" degree. One thing I have always desired in my future is to be a wife and mother. If I have kids I want to stay home with them which means I won't be working. So that means all the hours I spent studying and money I spent on an education would be essentially useless (of course I would be smarter, but I am already a pretty intelligent person....test scores have told me so). Plus I feel like others wouldn't see me as a "success" if I just went and got married without having at least an education. Le sigh.
HOWEVER, I think I have discovered a solution (at least partially and in theory)
Do you ever do those personality profile things? Well, I have always been interested in those, and have always known what mine is: ENFP. On the website I was looking at, it's characterized under "Diplomat" (which is pretty funny considering I have been called diplomatic by a few people).
Some quotes from it that resonate with me:
"ENFPs will spend a lot of time exploring social relationships, feelings and ideas before they find something that really rings true. But when they finally do find their place in the world, their imagination, empathy and courage are likely to produce incredible results."
"It's a big world out there - perhaps even a little too big. ENFPs are fascinated by new ideas, both in terms of developments in fields they are already familiar with, and when new subjects come along."
"If there's a challenge ENFPs face when selecting a career, it isn't that they lack talent or options or drive, it's that there are so many things out there that are just cool."
Weaknesses
"Find it Difficult to Focus - ENFPs are natural explorers of interpersonal connections and philosophy, but this backfires when what needs to be done is that TPS report sitting right in front of them. It's hard for ENFPs to maintain interest as tasks drift towards routine, administrative matters, and away from broader concepts."
"Independent to a Fault - ENFPs loathe being micromanaged and restrained by heavy-handed rules - they want to be seen as highly independent masters of their own fates, even possessors of an altruistic wisdom that goes beyond draconian law. The challenge for ENFPs is that they live in a world of checks and balances, a pill they are not happy to swallow."
Above information from This Website
I think for me, I would be so much happier in school if I could have my creative outlet; sewing. The trouble is, I have no place do it which adds stress to the situation. If I had a studio where I could create, I honestly think my life would just be better. I need to try and achieve that, then the rest will be gravy. If only money were easier to come by!
Anyway, thanks for reading, I sincerely appreciate it <3
Here is the slip dress I made a while ago as promised
I styled it bridal-y
That lace panel is probably 80 years old! I LOVE it
I think it would be perfect for an altesque bride, or an outdoorsy wedding
The bustle/train is my favorite part
I always used to dislike my grey eyes until I was about 16. Then for some reason I changed my mind and decided they were awesome. Anne Shirley has grey eyes too :)
Hope you are all having a lovely week!
And P.S. if you are interested in the dress, I currently have it listed on Etsy: Slip Dress
I struggled with this all through college, so I totally understand! It's hard but you should focus on what you want to do and why, and not worry about other people, because there is always going to be someone that doesn't think you did things "right" but the don't have to live your life so their opinion is not really your problem
ReplyDelete*they, not the ;D
ReplyDelete@Betty, thank you so much for your lovely comment! That is a very good way to look at it :)
ReplyDeleteThank you for speaking straight from the heart with us, dear Abbi, and for sharing so much as been weighing on your mind and soul lately. I suspect that your feelings are mirrored by many young (and now not-so-young any more) women alike. The duality of a college education and/or successful career and being a wife/mom are often seen as two very different camps, with (sadly) one far too often looking down on the other. I think that there is no more noble or wonderful calling than to be a (good) mother and/or wife, if so desired, and greatly admire that you have no qualms publicly saying that you hope for as much in your life.
ReplyDeleteMy sister (herself a young working woman) feels the same way, but of course is pulling her weight in the world and enjoys her work (lucky girl there for sure), but all the while does hope to settle down and devote herself to raising a family one day. I can't speak for the rest of society, but I would never judge you for pursuing motherhood without a degree. Education rocks and I'm super thankfully women can avail of it in today's world, just as men can, but if one feels that their heart is more in making a family (or doing/having both), why not follow that path?
Whatever you do, I hope that the creativity you yearn for (in greater quantities) is a part of your world, sweet dear, and that you'll find more and more happiness with each passing month of your life.
Endless hugs & understanding,
♥ Jessica
Great blog post Abbi. I knew I wasn't the only girl who worries about a future family and a present day career.
ReplyDeleteI think there is a pressure that is put on us by society that as a woman you Need to succeed as a career woman. You need to have a high paying powerful job and be the boss of everyone (I exaggerate a little bit). But what about those girls who want a nice job, but also want to stay at home with those future children. What do you do? You can't just sit down and wait for those days. You have to do something in the mean time, so why not do something that you absolutely love?
I think that you should work in what brings out the best in you. What brings out your creativeness, your cleverness, and your imagination. Work in something that really challenges you. Maybe the ideas of what we really want seem silly or crazy to some people (and to ourselves), but I think it's worth it if it means that you are happy in the end. If you really want a degree, maybe a degree in business for a future sewing business? Or a degree in fashion or something else that is sewing related? We are so fortunate that we can pursue any field of work that we want, but what really matters, I believe, is that you do what makes you content, and then fly with it!
Best wishes to you, and thank you for your blog posts.
Kristen:)